Skit Run Ons: Titles 'T' - Retired Scouter

Well, then, I'm not going to do this trick! (Turns quickly and walks away.)

Take A Loaf Of Bread To Bed
Why did the woman take a loaf of bread to bed with her?
To feed her nightmare.

Take A Sick Wasp
Where do you take a sick wasp?
To the waspital.

Take the Christmas tree to a barber
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said that it needed to be trimmed.

Take These Pills
Doctor: Take the green pill with a glass of water after getting up. Take the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed take the red pill with another glass of water.
Patient: Exactly what is my problem, doctor?
Doctor: You're not drinking enough water.

Take Your Bath Last Night?
Where did you take your bath last night?
In the Spring.
I didn't ask you when, I asked you where.

Tallest Building In Town
What is the tallest building in town?
The library. It has the most stories.

Teacher Excuse The Firefly
No. 1: Why did the teacher excuse the firefly?
No. 2: Because when you've got to glow, you've got to glow.

Teacher excuse the firefly
Why did the teacher excuse the firefly?
Because when you've got to glow, you've got to glow

Teacher Say To Dracula
What did the math teacher say to Dracula?
Count.

Teacher Send The Clock To The Principal's Office
Why did the teacher send the clock to the Principal's office?
For tocking too much.

Teacher Sitting In The Road
Why was the teacher sitting in the road?
She was grading on a curve.

Teachers At The South Pole
No. 1: What kind of teachers do you find at the South Pole?
CUBNo. 2: Very cold ones!

Teddy Bear Couldn't Eat
Why couldn't the Teddy Bear eat?
Because he was stuffed!

Telephone From A Space Shuttle
Can astronauts telephone from a space shuttle?
Sure, but who can't tell a phone from a space shuttle.

Telephone Like The Planet Saturn
How is a telephone like the planet Saturn?
It has rings, too.

Telephone Make A Good Referee
Why does a telephone make a good referee?
Because it makes good calls.

Telephone With Feet
What would you call a telephone with feet?
A walkie-talkie.

Tell a man
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.

Tell When A Vegetable Is Angry
How can you tell when a vegetable is angry?
It's steamed.

Tell where a bear lives
How can you tell where a bear lives?

Look for his Denmark (den mark).

Tells The Best Chicken Jokes
Who tells the best chicken jokes?
Comedi-HENS!

Ten Mile Walk To School
1st: When I was a boy, I thought nothing of a ten-mile walk to school.

2nd: Well, I wouldn't think much of it, either.

Tennessee
What did Tennessee?
The same thing that Arkansas.

Tennis Loud Sport
No. 1: Why is tennis such a loud sport?
No. 2: The players raise a racquet.

Tent Is Very Close
Cub 1: How can you tell if a buffalo is under your bedroll?
Cub 2: The ceiling of your tent is very close.

Tenth Reindeer Olive
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
A: You know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

Termites Eat For Breakfast
What do termites eat for breakfast?
Oak Meal.

Terrible Nightmare
I had a terrible nightmare last night. I dreamed I was a salad.
What's so bad about that?
I tossed all night!

Test Scores
Father: How are your test scores, Son?
Son: Underwater, Dad.
Father: What do you mean, underwater?
Son: You know, below C level.

Texan Buy A Dachshund
Why did the Texan buy a dachshund?
Because all the other Texans were saying, "Get a-long little doggie!"

There Once Was A Race
Once there was a race between a water hose, a tomato, and lettuce. Who do you think won? Well, last time I checked, the hose was still running, the tomato was trying to ketchup, and the lettuce was ahead.

There's A Bunch Of Cows
No. 1: (walks in and points to herd of cows) Hey, there's a bunch of cows over there!

No. 2: That's not a bunch, that's a herd.

No. 1: Heard of what?

No. 2: Herd of cows!

No. 1: Of course I've heard of cows!

No. 2: No, a cow herd!

No. 1: I don't care if it did hear, we're just talking!

There's A Dead Person Here.
No. 1: (Lying on the ground, dead.)

No. 2: (Sees him lying on the ground, runs for the telephone and panicking, gasps.)

No. 2: Police!? There's a dead person here.

No. 2: Where??. Uh (looking for a sign).

No. 2: I'm at Montgomery and Westminster?

No. 2: Spell it??Uh, M-o-t-n?Uh M-o-t-g, (confused).

No. 2: Just a minute, I'll drag him over to Oak and Elm!

They're After Me
Cub Scout 1: (runs in yelling) They're after me! They're after me!
Cub Scout 2: Who's after you?
Cub Scout 1: The monkeys! They think I'm bananas!

They're All Around Me
"They're all around me!"
"What?"
"Cheesy run-ons!"

They're Coming
First Person -"They're coming? They're coming?"
Second Person -"Who's coming?"
First Person -'The mosquitoes."
Second Person -"Why are the mosquitoes coming?"
First Person -"They think I'm lunch."

They're On Me!
Scout: Runs up to the leader on stage, starts grabbing at his own clothes, as though he has bugs on him, and says, "They're on me, they're on me!"
Leader: "What's on you."
Scout: "My Clothes!" and walks off stage.

Thieves Stole Fifty Pairs Of Trousers
Today thieves broke into the local police station and stole fifty pairs of trousers.
The police are looking, pretty silly.

Thing That Can't Be Beat
What's the one thing in the world that can't be beat?
A broken drum.

Thousand Ears
Q: What has a thousand ears but can't hear?
A: A cornfield!

Thread To Sew A Flag
Q: Who was given thread to sew a flag but cleaned her teeth instead?
A: Betsy Floss.

Three Bald Men
Three men fell in the lake but only two got their hair wet, why?
One man was bald.

Three Boys Facing The Audience
The three boys are in a line facing the audience.

Second Boy in Line: This story begins with "Once upon a time"

First Boy: Hey, wait a minute, I'm the beginning.

Middle Boy: I'm the middle.

Last Boy: That's nothing I'm the end.

Three Good Things About School
What are three good things about school?
June, July, and August.

Three Keys
Q. What are three keys you can't use to open a door?
A. A donkey, monkey and a turkey.

Three Keys You Can't Use To Open A Door
Q. What are three keys you can't use to open a door?
A. A donkey, monkey and a turkey.

Three Legged Dog Say
What did the three legged dog say as he stumbled into town?
I came to get the man who shot my paw.

Three Men Fell In The Water
Q: Three men fell in the water but only two got their hair wet. Why?
A: One was bald.

Three Men Fell In The Water
Three men fell in the water but only two got their hair wet. Why?
One was bald.

Three People Under One Umbrella
There are three people under one umbrella, and none of them get wet. How come?
It isn?t raining.

Three Sheep To Make One Sweater
1st: Did you know it takes three sheep to make one sweater?
2nd: Really? I didn't even know they could knit!

Three States Have The Most Cows
First person: "What three states have the most cows?"

Second person: "I don't know. Which ones?

First person: "Cow-lorado, Moo-ssouri, and Cow-lifornia."

Three States With The Most Ducks
Which three states have the most ducks?
North Duckota, South Duckota, and Kenducky.

Throw A Bee
What bee can you throw?
What?
A Frisbee!

Throw Youself Into Your Work
Doctor: You should stop worrying about your problems all the time. Try throwing yourself into your work.

Patient: But Dr., I mix cement!

Throwing Up
Walk across the front of the room tossing a ball several inches to a foot up in the air.

Set up a plant in the audience or Cubmaster asks "What are you doing?"

Replies, " I'm throwing up!"

Tick, Tick, Woof, Woof
What goes tick, tick, woof, woof?
A watch dog.

Ticket For Speeding
No. 1: This is a ticket for speeding.
No. 2: Wonderful! When do I get to use it?

Ticket To The Moon
No. 1: Could you give me a ticket for the next trip to the moon?
No. 2: I'm sorry, but the moon is full now.

Ticks On The Moon
What kind of ticks do you find on the moon?
Luna-ticks!

Tiger Chasing You
Q. How fast must you run if a tiger is chasing you?
A. One step faster than the tiger.

Tiger Eats A Lemon
What happens when a tiger eats a lemon?
He becomes a sourpuss.

Time Fly So Fast
1st Cub: Why does time fly so fast?
2nd Cub: Because everyone's trying to kill it!

Time To Get Up And Go To School
Mother: Johnny, it's time to get up and go to school.
Johnny: Aw, Mom, I don't want to.
Mother: Give me good three reasons why you shouldn't.
Johnny: Okay. The kids don't like me, the teachers don't like me, and I don't like the teachers or the kids.
Mother: Well, I'll give you two reasons to go. You're 45 and you're the principal!

Tire Had A Nervous Breakdown
No. 1: Did you hear about the tire that had a nervous breakdown?
No. 2: Yes, I did. He couldn t take the pressure.

Tired Cub Scouts Have To Go To School
Why do tired Cub Scouts have to go to school?
Because the school won't come to them.

Tired Tent
No. 1: What do you call a tired tent?
No. 2: A sleepy teepee.

Toad Say When It Sees Something Great
What does a toad say when it sees something great?
Toadly Awesome!

Toaster Crawl Into Bed
Why did the toaster crawl into bed?
Because it was feeling crummy inside.

Today
Boy 1: It's here! Oh, no! It's here!
Boy 2: What? What's here?
Boy 1: Today...

Toilet Bowl Cleaner Used By Magicians
Scout : Which toilet bowl cleaner do most magicians use?
Scout : Vanish!

Tom-tom
Which musical word and which instrument are always negative?
Notes and Piano.

Tomato Blush
No. 1: Why did the tomato blush?
No. 2: Because he saw the salad dressing!

Too Much Turkey At Thanksgiving
Who complains after eating too much turkey at Thanksgiving dinner?
The groan-ups!

Took His Son To The Opera
A man took his son to the opera for the first time. As the conductor began waving his baton and the soloist began her aria, the boys asked:

1st: Why is he hitting her with that stick?

2nd: He's not hitting her.

1st: Well then, why is she screaming?

Tool To Fix A Leaky Faucet
What tool would a chimp use to fix a leaky faucet?
A monkey wrench.

Tool To Take To A Gold Rush
Tool to take to a gold rush
No. 1: What tool do you bring to a gold rush?
No. 2: Take your pick.

Top Of 100 Foot Tree
The first person calls from out of sight "Hey Fred, look! I'm in the top of a 100 foot tall tree."
The second person: "But Joe, we don't have any 100 foot tall trees in camp.
First person: "Oh noooo....", screams as he is falling.

Tornado Arrested
No. 1: Why was the tornado arrested?
No. 2: Because it was shoplifting.

Tosses It On The Floor
Boy enters with board under his arm, tosses it on the floor.

1st: What are you doing?

2nd: Nothing, I'm just bored.

Tossing A Ball Up In The Air
Scout: Walks on stage tossing a ball up in the air a foot or two and catching it.
Leader: "What are you doing?"
Scout: "Throwing up!"

Tossing A Board On The Floor
Boy enters with board under his arm, tosses it on the floor.

1st: What are you doing?

2nd: Nothing, I'm just bored.

Towel Or Blanket
A) Comes on stage with a towel or blanket, putting it down, then picking it up and putting it somewhere else.
B) What are you doing?
A) Oh, I'm just covering ground.

Tower Of Pisa
1st: Why does the Tower of Pisa lean?
2nd: Maybe it never eats.

Tracks On The Ground
Two men enter, find some tracks on the ground, and argue over whether they are bear tracks or raccoon tracks. The argument gets heated, and is ended when both are run over by a train (several boys moving in a chain, the first one holding a flashlight to simulate a train's headlight, making train-like noises).

Train Carries Bubble Gum
1st: Hey, what kind of a train carries bubble gum?
2nd: A "chew-chew" train.

Train Do With Food
What does a train do with food?
Chew, chew.

Train Does With Its Food
No. 1: What does a train do with it's food?
No. 2: Chew, chew, chew.

Train Is Gone
No. 1: How can you tell when a train is gone?
No. 2: I don't' know.
No. 1: It leaves its tracks behind.

Train Stop At The Station
No. 1: Does this train stop at the station?
No. 2: Well, if it doesn't, there will be a heck of a crash!

Trained My Dog Not To Beg At The Table
I trained my dog not to beg at the table.
How did you do that?
I let him taste my cooking.

Trains Better Than Planes
1st scout: Why are trains better than planes?
2nd scout: I dunno, why?
1st scout: Cause they stay on track!

Transformers hum
Why do transformers hum?
They don't know the words.

Travels All Over The Country
Q What travels all over the country and still stays in one corner?

A A postage stamp.

Travels Around The World
What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A stamp.

Tree Always Feels Sad
No. 1: What kind of tree always feels sad?
No. 2: The sigh-press (cypress)

Tree Always In Debt
No. 1: What tree is always in debt?
No. 2: The willow.

Tree Everyone Carries In Their Hand
What tree does everyone carry on their hand?
Palm.

Tree good at Strategy Games
What tree is good at strategy games?
The chestnut.

Tree In The Kitchen
No. 1: What kind of tree do you find in the kitchen?
No. 2: A Pantry.

Tree Is Good At Strategy Games
What tree is good at strategy games?
The chestnut.

Tree Keeps You Warm
No. 1: What tree will keep you warm?
No. 2: Fir.

Tree Lost In The Woods
No. 1: Why did the tree get lost in the woods?
No. 2: It took the wrong root.

Tree Nearest The Sea
What tree is nearest the sea?
Beech

Tree Say To The Ax
Q: What did the tree say to the ax?
A: "I'm stumped!"

Tree Stump
Cub 1: Enters with stump and sits down.
Cub 2: What are you doing:
Cub 1: I don't know, I'm stumped.

Tree Tastes Good To Chew
No. 1: What tree tastes good to chew?
No. 2: Sweet gum.

Tree tastes Good to Chew
What tree tastes good to chew?
Sweet gum.

Tree that will keep you warm
What tree will keep you warm?
Fir

Tree that's in trouble
What do you call a tree that's in trouble?
Birch in a lurch.

Tree Used In Kissing
What tree is used in kissing?
Tulip

Tree Wear To The Pool Party
No. 1: What did the tree wear to the pool party?
No. 2: Swimming trunks!

Tree wearing a coat
What do you call a tree wearing a coat? (Oak in a cloak.)

Tree Will Keep You Warm?
What tree will keep you warm?
Fir.

Tree's Birthday
Did you hear about the tree's birthday?
It was a sappy one!

Tree's homework
What do you call a tree that copies other tree's homework?
Cedar cheater.

Trip To Europe
1st: Well, I've got good news. We've finally got enough money for that trip to Europe.

2nd: That's wonderful! When can we leave?

1st: As soon as we've saved enough money for the trip back.

Trunk Can't Be Packed
What kind of a trunk can't be packed?
An elephant's trunk.

Try On That Shirt In The Window
1st: Excuse me, but I'd like to try on that shirt in the window.
2nd: We'd rather you used the dressing room.

Tuna That Lost His Job
Q: Did you hear about the tuna that lost his job?
A: He got canned.

Tune Is Music To Anybody's Ear
What tune is music to anybody's ear?
For-tune.

Turkey A Fashionable Bird
Why is a turkey a fashionable bird ?
Because he always appears well dressed for dinner !

Turkey Cross The Road
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chickens day off.

Turkey Cross the Road
Why did the turkey cross the road?
The chicken was on vacation.

Turkey In Suspense
No. 1: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
No. 2: I don't know, how?
No. 1: I'll tell you tomorrow!

Turkey Join The Circus Band
Why did the turkey join the circus band?
He wanted to use his drumstick.

Turkey Jump Higher Than The Empire State Building
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all.

Turkey Suspense
Cub 1: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
Cub 2: I don't know, how?
Cub 1: I'll tell you tomorrow!

Turkeys Eat So Little
Why do turkeys eat so little?
Because they're always stuffed.

Turkeys Go Gobble, Gobble
No. 1: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
No. 2: Because turkeys never learned good table manners!

Turn Pumpkin Into Another Vegetable
No. 1: "How do you turn a pumpkin into another vegetable?"
No. 2: "I give up."
No. 1: "Throw it into the air. When it hits the ground, it's squash!"

Turn You Into An Indian Chief
No. 1: I can turn you into an Indian Chief
No. 2: How
No. 1: See I've started already.

Turning A New Leaf
No. 1:(Comes on stage and has a large leaf He puts the leaf down on the floor, turns it over, picks it up and puts it down in another place, turning it over, etc.)

No. 2: What in the world are you doing?

No. 1: Oh, I'm turning over a new leaf.

Tv Set Start Shaving
Why did the TV set start shaving?
Because its picture was getting fuzzy.

Twentieth President Of The United States
No. 1: Do you know the 20th President of the United States ?
No. 2: No, we were never introduced !

Twenty For Two Questions
That'll be $20.00 for two questions.
Isn't that a lot of money for two questions.
Yes it is. Now what is your second question.

Twip
No. 1: What is a twip?
No. 2: A twip is what a wabbit takes when he wides a twain.

Two And Two Make More Than Four
Q. When do two and two make more than four?
A. When they make 22.

Two Atoms
Two atoms were walking down the street one day, when one of them exclaimed, "Oh, no I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" the other one asked.
"Yes," replied the first one, "I'm positive."

Two Boy Scouts From The City
Two Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce the boys had to hide under their blankets to keep from being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs, and he said to his friend: "We might as well give up. They're coming at us with flashlights!"

Two Boy Scouts On A Camping Trip
Two Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce the boys had to hide under their blankets to keep from being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs, and he said to his friend: "We might as well give up. They're coming at us with flashlights!"

Two Boys Drag A Third Boy
Have two boys drag a third boy across the stage.
The third boy says (loudly): "What a drag!"

Two Boys Playing Quick Draw
Two boys playing quick draw:

1st boy: "My Scoutmaster (Cubmaster etc.) can shoot a gun faster than any man in the West."

2nd boy: "Really?" What do they call your Scoutmaster."

1st boy: "Toeless Joe."

Two Buffaloes In Your Refrigerator
No. 1: How can you tell when there are two buffaloes in your refrigerator?
No. 2: You can't shut the door.

Two Cavemen
Two "cavemen" sitting facing each other cross-legged

1: "Ugh" 2: "Ugh" 1: "Ugh" 2: "Ugh"
1: "Ugh" 2: "Ugh" 1: "Ugh" 2: "Ugh Ugh"
1: (Stands up and shouts) "Why you change subject?!"

Two Cops Walked Into A Building
Did you hear about the two cops that walked into a building?
You would have thought that one of them would have noticed it.

Two Cubs are having a Wash at Camp
CUB 1: Say Eric, your neck is filthy.
CUB 2: Yes I know it is, I didn't come to camp last year!

Two Cubs playing quick draw
Two boys playing quick draw:
1st boy: "My Scoutmaster (Cubmaster etc.) can shoot a gun faster than any man in the West."
2nd boy: "Really?" What do they call your Scoutmaster."
1st boy: "Toeless Joe."

Two Different Colors Of Socks
No. 1: Did you hear about the kid that always wore two different colors of socks?
No. 2: Yeah, his mother told him to never touch matches!

Two Ducks And A Cow
No. 1: What do you have if there are two ducks and a cow?
No. 2: Quackers and milk.

Two Ducks and a Cow
What do you have if there are two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and milk

Two Ducks Collide
No. 1: What do you call it when two ducks collide in midair?
No. 2: A real quack up.

Two Elephants Couldn't Go Swimming
Q: Why couldn't the two elephants both go swimming?
A: Because they only had one pair of trunks!

Two Elephants In A Pickup
How do you get two elephants in a pickup truck ?
One in the cab, one in the back.

Two Elephants In A Pool
Why can't you get two elephants into a pool at the same time?
They only have one pair of trunks.

Two Elephants into a pool
Scout : Why can't you get two elephants into a pool at the same time?
Scout : They only have one pair of trunks.

Two Engines Are On Fire
PILOT: Mayday! Mayday! Two engines are on fire!
TOWER: Roger, state your height and position.
PILOT: I'm six-two and I'm sitting in the cockpit!

Two Foods I cook best
Sitting round the campfire at supper time:
Cubmaster: The two foods I cook best on campouts are meatloaf and apple cobbler
Timmie Tiger: Which one is this?
Ba da boom, ba da bing!

Two Goldfish Are In A Tank
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

Two Guys Talking
Two guys talking, first asks the second where he is going; second says fishing. First asks second what he has in his mouth and the first says worms. The first guy says good luck and slaps second guy on the back.

Two Mice In A Pickup Truck
How do you get two mice in a pickup truck ?
You can't ... it's full up with the elephants.

Two mosquitos talking
Mosquito 1: Hey, I got a good one! Which sport do we mosquitoes like best?
Mosquito 2: Easy! Skin-diving. Say, did you hear what the Cub Scout said to the mosquito.
Mosquito 1: No, what?
Mosquito 2: Don't bug me!
Mosquito 1: Are you related to any of the bugs around here?
Mosquito 2: Sure. My ant.
Mosquito 1: Did you hear what the mother grasshopper said to her children?
Mosquito 2: No, tell me.
Mosquito 1: Hop to it!

Two Page Compostion About Milk
No. 1: I told you I wanted a 2-page composition about milk. Your paper is only 1/2 page long.
No. 2: I know. I wrote about condensed milk.

Two People Walked Into A Building
No. 1: Did you hear the story about the two people who walked into a building?
No. 2: You would think one of them would have noticed it!

Two Pieces Of Pie On The Shelf
Mother: Son, there were two pieces of pie on the shelf this morning, and now there is only one. How did this happen to be?

Son: I don't know. It must have been so dark, I did not see the other piece.

Two planes almost collide
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Two Questions
Scout Fortune Teller: That will be $20. for two questions.

Customer: Isn't that a lot of money for two questions?

Scout Fortune Teller: Yes, it is. Now what is your second question?

Two Silk Worms Had A Race
What happened to the two silk worms that had a race?
What?
They ended up in a tie.

Two Snails Fight
What do you do when two snails fight?
Let them slug it out.

Two Snakes Marry
If two snakes marry, what will their towels say?
Hiss and Hers.

Two Snakes Sunning Themselves
Two snakes sunned themselves on a large rock.

Suddenly, one shouted, "Ouch!"

"Say," it then asked the other snake, "are we poisonous?"

"Nah," replied the other snake. "Why?"

"?Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Two Snakes Talking
Two snakes talking together:

1st: I hope I'm not poisonous.

2nd: Why?

1st: Because I just bit my tongue.

Two Words Have The Most Letters
Which two words have the most letters?
Post Office.