A Buffalo is under your bedroll
Cub 1: How can you tell if a buffalo is under your bedroll?
Cub 2: The ceiling of your tent is very close.
A family of rabbits
What do you call it when a family of rabbits that are lined up in a straight line and take one hop backwards?
A receding hare line.
A Henway
1st Scout enters petting an imaginary animal - want to pet my henway?
2nd Scout - What's a hen weigh?
1st Scout - About 3 or 4 pounds.
A Run-home
1st Cub: Wow, It's a run-home.
2nd Cub: You mean a home run.
1st Cub: No, I mean a run-home. You just hit the ball through that window!!!
A-moo
What does A-COW says?
A-MOO of course.
Abbreviated Such A Long Word
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Abraham Lincoln Grow A Beard
Why did Abraham Lincoln grow a beard?
He wanted to look like the guy on the $5 bill.
Abraham Lincoln Had A Very Hard Childhood
No. 1: Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
No. 2: Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else !
Accident On Your Hike Today
No 1: I heard you had an accident on your hike today.
No 2: No but I did get bitten by a rattlesnake.
No 1: You don't call that an accident?
No 2: Heck no, he did that on purpose.
Across The Potomac
Q: If George Washington was alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
A: Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
Adam And Eve
Have boys walk with signs on them identifying them.
Adam and Serpent walk across the stage talking softly.
Eve leans out on the limb
Adam and Serpent move away
Eve leans out further, and finally falls.
Adam looks around, serpent says: What was that?
Adam says: "Oh, Evesdropping."
Advice Do Cows Give
1st Scout: What advice do cows give?
2nd Scout: Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!
Airport Like A Closet
How is an airport like a closet?
It's full of hangers.
Alexander And Smokey Have In Common
What do Alexander the Great and Smokey the Bear have in common?
The same middle name. (The)
Alien
Alien comes in - traditional "take me to your leader" routine etc. When taken to leader the alien says, "Stop singing, Ging Gang Goolie -- it's our national anthem..."
Alien Say To The Gas Pump
What did the alien say to the gas pump?
Take your fingers out of your ears and listen to me!
Aliens Tie Up Spacemen
How do aliens tie up spacemen?
With astro-knots.
All Around Me
No. 1: Comes running on stage yelling and turning, "It's all around me!"
No. 2: What's all around you?
No. 3: My belt.
All Cooks Are Mean
Do you know why all cooks are mean?
They beat eggs don't they?
All Over Me
Two scouts needed, or one scout and the MC.
"They're all over me, they're all over me!"
"What's all over you?"
"My clothes!"
All The Way To The House But Never Goes In
What comes all the way to the house but never goes in?
The front step.
Allergic
No. 1: What do you call someone who is allergic to water?
No. 2: I give up. What?
No. 1: Dirty.
Alligator Sing
What does an alligator sing?
Scales.
Always Count On
No. 1: "When life is going bad, what can you always count on?"
No. 2: "I don't know. What?"
No. 1: "Your fingers." (Counting on fingers) "One, two, three, four, five.."
No. 2: "Can't you count any higher??"
No. 1: (Raises his hand above his head) "One, two, three, four, five....."
Always Increases
What is it that always increases the more Cub Scouts share it?
Happiness.
Always Tired On April 1st
No. 1: Why are people always tired on the first of April?
No. 2: I don't know why?
No. 1: Because they've just had a 31-day March.
Am I Going To Die
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Am I going to die?
Doc: That's the last thing you'll do.
Amazing New Device
Scientist: I just invented an amazing device that lets people see through walls!
Assistant: That's wonderful! What do you call it?
Scientist: A window!
Amendment Give You The Right To Pull Up Your Sleeves
No. 1: Which amendment gives you the right to pull up your sleeves?
No. 2: I don't know.
No. 1: The Second Amendment ? the right to bare arms.
American Flag Colors
Q: What colors are in the American Flag when it is waving in the wind?
A: Red, white and blew!
American Kids So Healthy
Why are American kids so healthy?
They have a good Constitution.
Ancient Greece
Boy 1: Tonight we are going to be talking about ancient Greece.
(Boy 2 walks onstage carrying a can of Crisco.)
Boy 1: No, no; not that kind of grease. You know Greece, the place.
Boy 2: Oh yeah, that's in back of the cafeteria.
Angriest Heavenly Body
Which of the heavenly bodies is the angriest?
A shooting star.
Angry Vegetable
No. 1: How can you tell when a vegetable is angry?
No. 2: It's steamed.
Animal Always Forgets
An elephant always remembers, but what kind of animal always forgets?
An owl because it keeps saying, "Who? Who?"
Animal Are You When You Have A Cold
What animal are you when you have a cold
Horse.
Animal Can Jump Higher Than A House
What animal can jump higher than a house?
Any animal, silly - a house can't jump!
Animal Eats With His Tail
What kind of animal eats with his tail?
All kinds?they can't take them off.
Animal Grows Down
Q: Which animal grows down?
A: A goose!
Animal Took The Most Baggage Into The Ark
No. 1: What animal took the most baggage into the ark?
No. 2: I don't know. Why didn't you ask me who took the least?
No. 1: The elephant took his trunk but the rooster took only his comb!
Animal When You Have A Cold
What animal are you when you have a cold?
Horse (hoarse)
Animals Live At The North Pole
No. 1: What kind of animals live at the North Pole?
No. 2: Cold ones.
Animals need to be oiled
What animals need to be oiled?
Mice - they Squeek
Announcement, The
A five second gag to put into a loose moment.
Cast: Campfire chief and a volunteer in the audience
Campfire Chief: And now it's time to make a spot announcement. (Dog barks from the audience.) Thank you Spot.
Another Name For White Bread
What's another name for white bread?
Ghost Toast.
Answer Is - Betsy Ross!!!!, The
And for $300, what is the question?
Ok Alex, Who made the first flag?
That's correct.
But can we prove it? No, not really, but it is a good story. Checking the National Archives, it does say that Elizabeth Ross was employed by the government as a flag maker. Tradition does tell us that George Washington and Robert Moms called on Betsy Ross to make the first flag which they had designed. They kept the 13 stripes from the first Colonial flag, but replaced the Union Jack with a field of blue with 13 stars. As the story goes, it was Betsy Ross that came up with the five pointed star. Did you know that Betsy Ross's House is still open in Philadelphia and it is a National Shrine?
June 14th is celebrated as Flag Day, as this being the day that Congress passed a resolution that the flag of the thirteen United States be of thirteen alternating red and white stripes, that the union be thirteen stars on a field of blue, representing a constellation.
Answering Machine And A Fat Football Player
No. 1: What do you get when you cross an answering machine and a fat football player?
No. 2: What?
No. 1: A wide receiver.
Antelope
What is an antelope?
An insect that runs away to get married.
Ants Sing Before A Ball Game
What do ants sing before a ball game?
What?
The National Ant-them.
Ants sing before a Game
Cub 1: What do ants sing before a game?
Cub 2: The National Ant-them.
Appealing My Case
At next entry, he is peeling a banana or orange.
"I'm appealing my case!"
Appliances Warn The House
Q: What did the appliances warn the house?
A: "If you don't want to get toasted ? KEEP 911 POSTED!"
Are You A Rabbit?
Scout : Ask me if I'm a rabbit.
Leader: Okay Are you a rabbit?
Scout : Yes. Now ask me if I'm a squirrel.
Leader: Are you a squirrel?
Scout : No, stupid. I already told you I was a rabbit!
Aren't Doing Well In History
No. 1: Why aren't you doing very well in history?
No. 2: Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!
Arizona Has That No Other State Has
What does Arizona have that no other state has?
The letter "Z" in its name.
Arthur Have A Round Table
Q: Why did Arthur have a round table?
A: So no one could corner him!
As Ye Sow
PROVERB: (by Den Leader) 'As ye sow, so shall ye reap.'
TRANSLATION: (by Cubs in unison) 'What you seed is what you get!'
Ask Me If I'm A Dog
No. 1: Ask me if I'm a dog.
No. 2: Okay, are you a dog?
No. 1: Yes, now ask me if I'm a cat.
No. 2: Are you a cat?
No. 1: No dummy, I already told you I was a dog.
Ask Me If I'm A Lion
No. 1: Ask me if I'm a Lion.
No. 2: Okay, are you a lion?
No. 1: Yes. Now ask me if I'm an elephant?
No. 2: Okay, are you an elephant?
No. 1: No, don't you remember---I'm a lion!
Ask Me If I'm A Rabbit
No. 1: Ask me if I'm a rabbit.
No. 2: Okay. Are you a rabbit?
No. 1: Yes. Now ask me if I'm a beaver.
No. 2: Are you a beaver?
No. 1: No, silly. I already told you I was a rabbit!
Astronaut Cook For Lunch
What did the astronaut cook for lunch?
An unidentified frying object!
Astronaut Do When He Gets Dirty
No. 1: What does an astronaut do when he gets dirty?
No. 2: I don't know, what does he do?
No. 1: He takes a meteor shower.
Astronaut Give His Copilot A Sandwich
Q: Why did the astronaut give his copilot a sandwich?
A: Because it was launch time.
Astronaut Serve Dinner In Outer Space
Q: How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space?
A: On flying saucers!
Astronaut Stepped On Chewing Gum
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
He got stuck in orbit!
Astronaut Stop Writing
Q: Why did the astronaut stop writing in his log?
A: Because the moon was full.
Astronaut's Favorite Key
What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
What?
The space key.
Astronaut's favorite Meal
Cub #1: What is an astronaut's favorite meal?
Cub #2: Launch.
Astronauts Bring Their Food To Work
How do astronauts bring their food to work?
In launch boxes.
Astronauts Don't Answer The Phone At Noon
Why don't astronauts answer the phone at noon?
Because they are out to launch.
Astronauts Eat Off
Cub #1: What do astronauts eat off?
Cub #2: Flying saucers.
Astronauts Go To The Doctor
Why do astronauts go to the Doctor before going into outer space?
To get their booster shots.
Astronauts Have
If athletes have athlete's foot, what do astronauts have?
Missile-toes.
Astronauts Keep Their Pants Up
Q: How do astronauts keep their pants up?
A: With an asteroid belt.
Astronauts Leave Their Spaceship
Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?
At parking meteors!
Astronauts Music
Scout 1: Hey, what kind of music do astronauts play?
Scout 2: Nep-tunes!
Astronauts See Their Doctor
Why do astronauts see the doctor right before they blast off?
To get their booster shots.
Astronauts Serve Dinner In Outer Space
How did the astronauts serve dinner in outer space?
On flying saucers.
Astronauts Telephone
Can astronauts telephone from a space shuttle?
Sure, but who can't tell a phone from a space shuttle.
Astronomer Stare At The Dreamers
Q: Why did the astronomer stare at the dreamers?
A: Because they had stars in their eyes.
At The End Of A Rainbow
A) What's at the end of a rainbow?
B) The letter ?w'.
Athlete Strikes Out
No. 1: I know an athlete who is happy every time he strikes out.
No. 2: He must be a terrible baseball player.
No. 1: Yeah, but he's a good bowler.
Athlete's Foot
If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an astronaut get?
A missile toe.
Athletes In The Family
No. 1: Are there any athletes in your family?
No. 2: Sure, my brother's been swimming for five years.
No. 1: Boy, he must be pretty tired.
Attention
Cub No. 1: (walks on and starts shouting) Attention! Attention! Attention!
Cub No. 2: (after a brief pause, and you have everyone's attention) Oh, I just love attention!
Attention! Attention!
Cub runs on saying this. When he gets everyone's attention he says "I just love attention!" and runs off.
Aunt Has 88 Keys
1st: My aunt has 88 keys.
2nd: She must have a lot of doors.
1st: No, she has a piano.
Author Made A Fortune
Did you hear about the author who made a fortune?
He was in the write business.
Author Of A Rodeo Story
What do you call the author of a rodeo story?
A horse-back writer.
Avoid Infection Caused By Biting Insects
No. 1: What's the best way to avoid infection caused by biting insects?
No. 2: I don't know, what is it?
No. 1: Easy, don't bite any!
Awful Bump On Your Nose
Say how did you get that awful bump on your nose?
I bent over to smell a rose.
There's no "B" in rose.
There sure was a bee in this one.
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